Blog, Work

The Adversity of the Black Esquire

This is my experience in my young career as a black attorney. I suddenly found myself in a place where I owed an ethical obligation to my client which heavily conflicted with my morality.

I walked into the conference room confidently and boldly with my client by my side as I signaled him to take a seat. I then signaled to the court reporter that we were ready to proceed with the deposition. My client was sworn in and the proceeding shortly began. It was a typical deposition with typical questions. I objected when I needed to and stayed silent when I needed to.  As I began to feel the deposition about to come to an end, I began to feel relaxed and anxious to leave. Then it happened, I was sandbagged with racial slurs.  Opposing counsel began on a series of questions which caught me off guard. He would repeat racist  quotes then ask my client if he ever said those words to anyone. He was vague with the questions and the source of the quotes. Opposing counsel repeated the racial slurs several times. After each time, I felt myself shrinking into my seat.  I was in a room full of white men who made it their mission to make sure I understood that I represented a person who hated people that looked like me. My client denied ever uttering the words and immediately stormed  out.  At the conclusion of the deposition, my client expressed to me that he was upset because he felt as though he was made out to be racist and that he wasn’t racist. I was fine with that and I could have accepted that. Then he said, “I dated a beautiful black woman before.”  Anyone who has a meager sense of “wokeness” understands that this a horrible way to explain that you are not racist.

I do not tell this story to say that suddenly I realized that race in America was a real issue. No. Unfortunately I have dealt with much worse forms of blatant racism that was directed towards me. In fact, my earliest account of pure racism was in kindergarten at age 5.  I tell this story to show what many of us young black professionals encounter in our daily work lives. I think that some of us, myself included, want to desperately believe that because we are educated with careers that we are beyond racism. But that isn’t how racism works because racism isn’t personal–its about the color of you skin and nothing else.

 

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Do What You Want 2017. 

My best friend and I have come up with a theme for 2017.  We call it : do what you want 2017.  I’m a firm believer that most things in life should have a theme.  I think that themes are great motivators. For example, you use the theme to remind yourself what the goal is and what your purpose is.  This year, our theme is “do what you want”.  

Sometimes in life, well at least in my life, I get so focused on the idea of what I’m supposed to be doing instead of what I actually want to do. I think it’s easy for us, or at least me, to fall into this cookie cutter schedule of what I belive I should be doing to obtain some goal that I think I should achieve in some cookie cutter timeframe.  So I’ve dedicated this year, and of course the years to follow, to finally breaking free from what  I think should happen. So, “do what you want 2017” is about doing what I actually want to do, without consideration for what I think I ought to do.  

The key of course is balance. I’m not naive and this isn’t a movie. I still have responsibilities and career goals to be mindful of.  My hope is to find a balance between what I actually want to do and what I should/ need to do.  
I’ll figure it out. More to come loves.  ❤️. 

Esquire Glam

Night of lights and Satin Jumpsuits

We spent our anniversary attending the first night of St. Augustine’s famous night of lights celebration. The entire city is illumined by thousands of Christmas lights–its absolutely beautiful. True to the form of a hopeless romantic we enjoyed the show via horse and carriage tour. The girl who grew-up obsessed with Cinderella had to ride the horse and carriage of course. We ended the night enjoying dinner at the restaurant where we celebrated our first year anniversary. I jokingly insisted that since this was our second anniversary here, then it is unofficially our tradition. After all, we generally mean what we joke about it–right?

 

Hair: pressed bone straight by me

Make-up: Light beat by me.

Outfit: Satin Jumpsuit in ivory from J-Lux

Necklace: Black lace chocker from Aldo

Shoes: Steve Madden nude

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Writer

I became a writer, or at least I believe I am, because I do not know any other way to express myself. I’m a lawyer. My job is to argue in front of judges, mediators, and sometimes my clients to convince them to agree with my understanding of law and facts. I am damn good at doing that, I like to call myself young Cochran. :).

When it comes to work, i am a verbal goddess. When it comes to voicing my opinions on social and political issues, I am very persuasive. I am engaging when it comes to casual talk. These are not my issues, I am able to fully express myself using carefully selected words.

When it comes down to matters of the heart, I forget how talented I am with words. My only real recourse in expressing my emotions is to put pen to paper. It is as if I become truly awakened when my finger tips begin to glide across the illuminated keypad. My mind is suddenly quite and my thoughts are sorted out.  I am writer, because it’s healthy for me.

 

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Smile Darling, the world is watching.

You’re an inspiration, that’s the first thing you need to believe. Your family, friends, social media followers, co-workers, and on-lookers, they have all been inspired by you and continue to be inspired by you. It is not your success that inspires them, it is your failures and your struggles. Specifically, it is how you rise from those failures and struggles. That is the true inspiration and that is what’s most beautiful about you, darling. You ability to fall and rise gracefully.

Of course, to you it doesn’t seem graceful. You cry at night and even sometimes in the day time. You ask yourself “why me?” and you never seem to find the answer. You’re praying yet you are still losing hope, lost in your present circumstances.  You replay events in your mind and you wonder where it all went wrong. You should understand that it did not go wrong, but of course you don’t understand that. You feel weak, you feel victimized by life.

Yet still, you smile. You smile and you keep pursuing. With every closed door you keep knocking. With every dead-end, you make a u-turn. You feel deterred, but you are not deterred. That is the beauty the world sees, darling. That is what inspires.  You didn’t give-up when you could have easily done so. You feel weak, but darling you are stronger than ever. With that smile, darling, the world sees hope. So smile darling, the world is watching.

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